Pafoo, Pongs, Moni and Womtal
by Liisa
Summary: Disastrous events occur when all four Marauders come together to celebrate Harry's first birthday. Topped off with girlfriends, wives, old school professors and, yes, pranks.
1. Of Bugs and Bushes

**Title:** Pafoo, Pongs, Moni and Womtal (01)  
**Author name:** Liisa   
**Category:** Humor  
**Keywords:** Marauders Lily Harry Birthday  
**Rating:** PG  
**Summary:** Disasterous events occur when all four Marauders come together to celebrate Harry's first birthday. Topped off with girlfriends, wives, old school professors and, yes, pranks.  
**DISCLAIMER:** This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.   
**Author notes:** I have a lot of fun writing all four marauders together and this idea came to me as I was thinking about the time that Harry had spent with them before Lily and James died.

----

**Chapter One - Of Bugs and Bushes**

Harry's hand flailed out and crashed down on the unsuspecting beetle. James, who had currently been crouched down near his son, trying to persuade him to get on a broomstick with him, got a mouthful of bug entrails as the decapitated remains flew into the air.

James shot Harry a hurt look as he spit into the grass.

"Hey, I'm not the one who wouldn't let you get that toy broomstick. That was your mother. _Mother_." James accented the last word carefully but was only rewarded by another of Harry's flailing hands smashing back into his nose.

He reeled back, clutching his slightly bruised nose and frowning at his one year old son.

"Did Sirius teach you that?"

"Heard that one, Prongs, and I'm deeply crushed."

James turned quickly to see his best friend, Sirius Black walking into the backyard of the Potter's home at Godric's Hollow. Instantly his face fell into a challenging grimace.

"Crushed because he didn't hit me harder, or crushed because I thought of you first?"

Sirius only smiled wider and set down the package that he had been carrying on the decorated table that was nearby.

"You're early," James noticed suddenly, checking his watch to make sure he hadn't lost track of time. "No one was planning on coming till six."

Sirius merely shrugged and plopped down on the grass next to them. "Hey Harry," he said, reaching over to ruffle his godson's mop of black hair. For a one year old it was already very thick. Lily took credit for the thickness of it, but blamed the messiness on James.

"Pafoo..." Harry giggled happily. James had drilled Harry since he was born about the Marauder's names. Lily and James almost had a heart attack when Harry's first word had been "Padfoot" instead of "Prongs".

Sirius grinned wider as he continued, "I came by to see if you guys needed any help." He put his hand in front of Harry's exploring arms and was rewarded with Harry's two small hands clutching onto his fingers. Sirius smiled mischievously and glanced back up at James who cleared his throat and started talking.

"It's a nice thought, but Lily won't even let me help. She stuck me with babysitting duty. She's convinced I would slip something into everyone's drinks or something."

Sirius put on an innocent expression. "What in the world would make her think that?"

James put his hands up in a mock surrender, "I've been the embodiment of maturity since Harry was born."

"Mature...yes, mature...that word sounds...vaguely familiar..." Sirius glanced down at Harry who was looking up at him with wide eyes, and gave him a small wink.

"Need I remind you that you are supposed to be mature as well," James said in a slightly warning tone. "It took me long enough to convince Lily that you were responsible enough to be a godfather. Don't throw my arguments back at me."

Sirius raised an interested eyebrow. "What's this, James? Sleep on the couch again last night?"

James reached out to Harry (who was currently eating a handful of grass) and started wiping off his mouth. "No, close to it though." He sighed. "I was trying to convince Lily that Harry was old enough to get one of those toy broomsticks from Diagon Alley."

"Prongs, he's a baby!"

James scowled at him. "Since when did that ever stop you before?"

"Hey, watch it," Sirius accused him, "Dora was three and I put a perfectly acceptable protection charm around her, alright?"

"Didn't stop her from falling off, though, did it?" James eyes lit up and he finally let go of Harry again. The toddler giggled loudly and both of them looked over to see that he was reaching his arms up to Lily as she walked towards them from the house.

"There's my, big boy," Lily said sweetly as she bended down to pick Harry up. "What have you and daddy been up too?" Sirius coughed and she looked up. "And Sirius..." She paused and frowned as she looked at his face. "What!? James what is this on his face? Was he eating grass!?"

James tensed as she pulled out her wand and cleaned Harry's face. She then turned to the both of them and scowled.

"Grass is good for him, Lily," Sirius said casually. "I ate tons of it as a kid."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Somehow that doesn't surprise me nor does is comfort me at all..." she cut off as she started cleaning Harry's hands. "Eugh! James what is this? A bug? Did he eat a bug!?"

James gave a dramatic sigh and flopped onto his back.

"Honestly! I leave you three alone for 10 minutes and you've already corrupted my son into your Marauder ways."

"You're right, Lily. Eating bugs is one of the steps of becoming a marauder," Sirius said sarcastically.

"Yeah, I had to eat tons," James added loudly, "A whole bucketful."

"Of course, Peter wouldn't do it so instead we made him-"

"Oh, hush, both of you! Why don't you make yourselves useful and start setting up the chairs." She motioned to the stack of folding chairs that James and Sirius had recently retrieved from the attic. Then, throwing them one last exasperated look and a slight smile, she took Harry back into the house. They heard her muttering as she left.

"Don't know what they were thinking...on his birthday...guess I can't expect them to be mature for too long..."

Once she got inside, both of them let out a few chuckles they had been holding in and lay for a few moments on the green July grass.

"Well," James finally said, clutching his stomach. "Remembering those bugs kinda makes me sick to my stomach...I can't believe we actually did eat them."

"Whose idea was it anyway?" Sirius 'muffled voice asked. He seemed to be covering his mouth with his hands.

"I think it was ours..." James admitted.

"Oh...right..."

----

It took the pair of them just a little under 15 minutes to set up all the chairs around the backyard. It would have been shorter but Sirius had made it a game (as always) and kept making all the chairs that James had set up invisible. James worked for 5 minutes on one spot before he realized what was happening and promptly chased Sirius around the yard until he had him tackled in a batch of bushes near the forest. Leaving him there, James finished the rest himself.

Surveying his handiwork, James heard Sirius finally climbing out of the bush, complaining about a "ticked off stag".

Chuckling, James headed inside to check on Lily and Harry. He wasn't sure whether he wanted his son to be annoying Lily or whether he wanted his son to be an angel for Lily.

He decided either would be fine.

Stepping into the coolness of the house, he at once heard a variety of voice coming from the kitchen. Lily's was most definitely among them. Curious, he pushed open the kitchen door to see Lily, Alice Longbottom and Nikkie Ralston (Sirius' current love interest) all gathered around the double layer cake that was being decorated magically. Harry was situated in his high chair, a half eaten cracker mashed in one of his hands and the rest of his snack smeared out in front of him.

"I thought this party didn't start for another hour?" James said suddenly, causing all three women to jump and turn at him, scowling. James merely flashed them a smile and walked closer towards them. He wrapped an arm around Lily, who was rolling her eyes at his swaggering state. "How come none of my friends get to come early?" He pouted to her.

Lily just rolled her eyes again. "James, even if I instructed your friends not to come until six, they would still turn up-"

As if on cue, the front door opened and Remus Lupin's voice carried into the kitchen.

"James? Lily? Just thought I'd come by to see-"

Remus turned the corner into the kitchen and stopped dead at seeing the three women gazing at him, trying hard to hold in their laughs. James, however shot him a dirty look and pulled away from his wife.

"Can't I be right once?" James wined, making his way back out of the kitchen, clipping Remus on the shoulder as he left. Remus, who hadn't moved for a full 15 seconds, was brought out of his daze and, shooting a bewildered look back at the girls, followed James into the backyard.

As they both went out of sight, a trail of girlish laughter followed them out of the house.

"Bad timing?" Remus said nervously as they stepped into the sunlight.

"Not really," James admitted. "Well, yeah, but I should have expected it." He smirked over at Remus. "Lily's had the one up on me for days and I was just trying to get even." He shrugged nonchalantly. "But, another opportunity will come up soon." He motioned with his head towards the bushes behind him that Remus had noticed seemed to be twitching. "Sirius is here."

Remus gave and understanding "Oh" and followed James over to the shuddering bushes.

"Has anyone ever told you that you stink at Stealth and Secrecy?" Remus said loudly to the bush, causing it to shudder and exclaim loudly in a few curse words Remus had never heard.

"Bloody..." A crawling Sirius Black came out of the bush, rubbing his forehead where a trickle of blood ran down it. "Did anyone ever tell you, Moony, that you stink at being polite?"

Remus merely smiled as James started laughing next to him. "I don't recall that being a test for Aurors?"

"Sure," James said, wiping the tears out of his eyes, "There's no way Padfoot would have passed if it had been!"

Sirius shot his best friend a hurt look and finally clambered to his feet, brushing the remains of the bush off of himself. "What time is it?" he asked.

"Only 5:10," James replied, looking at his watch.

"Getting anxious?" Remus asked with a smile.

"What?" Both Sirius and James said at the same time.

"I only get to see my Godson turn one once, okay?"

"And I only get to see my son turn one once."

That comment drew stares from both of James' friends.

"What?" he shrugged

"Does that mean you and Lily aren't going to have any more kids?" Remus said skeptically.

James bit his bottom lip as he thought. "We haven't talked about it, but I'm not sure I want to deal with any more. I mean, Lily goes crazy with just one crawling all over the house. And, remember what she said in the hospital?"

"Prongs, all women scream at their husbands during delivery, it's a well known fact."

"Sirius, she blamed it on me!"

Sirius finally smirked. "You mean you're not claiming responsibility?"

James blushed slightly and punched Sirius lightly in the arm. "Shut it you."

"It's probably something you're going to have to talk to Lily about sooner or later, James," Remus said calmly, trying to keep out of the line of fire.

James brushed them both off hurridly. "Just not on his birthday, okay? Let Harry be an only child for just a while longer."


	2. Of Pranks and Prophecies

**Title:** Pafoo, Pongs, Moni and Womtal (02)  
**Author name:** Liisa  
**Category:** Humor  
**Keywords:** Marauders Lily Harry Birthday  
**Rating:** PG  
**Summary:** Disastrous events occur when all four Marauders come together to celebrate Harry's first birthday. Topped off with girlfriends, wives, old school professors and, yes, pranks.

This Chapter: Lily and James get in a small snit, Dumbledore turns up with some grave news, and the pranking begins.  
**DISCLAIMER:** This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.  
**Author notes:** This chapter got a bit of serious stuff in it, but hopefully it won't be too painful for you! Thanks for all the reviews I got guys! ::hugs!:: You're the best!

----

**Chapter 2 - Of Pranks and Prophecies**

"James! The dream team is complete!"

Lily's voice carried into the backyard where James, Sirius and Remus were hanging the last of the decorations on the trees. She was able to startle James enough to make him topple over on the chair he was standing on.

Peter Pettigrew walked into the backyard with a grin on his face, a large package in his hands wrapped in bright blue paper with snitches fluttering on it. Setting it on the table with the growing pile of gifts, he raised a questioning eyebrow towards James who was getting to his feet, rubbing his rear with a grimace.

"Ever heard of magic, guys?" Peter said half seriously.

Sirius threw a roll of streamers in Peter's face in response and he didn't duck in time to miss them.

"Lily wanted us to do it the muggle way," Remus added, pinning up his last balloon and climbing down from his stepstool.

"But, of course, she gets to decorate the cake with magic," James finished with annoyance, finally getting to his feet.

Peter frowned and glanced at the decorations they had done. It was quite obvious that they had been done without magic. James and Sirius couldn't hanging a poster without magic, much less decorate for a birthday party. Remus was a little better, but only because all he had to do was stick up balloons. "You guys need serious help..."

Sirius flicked out his wand fast and waved it over the decorations, causing them all to fix their crooked state and be more or less presentable. "See," he said smugly, "Sirius help."

James gave Sirius a type of horrified look. "Do you even have any idea how old that joke is?"

Sirius seemed to consider this, but before he could reply, the door near them burst open and a half dozen chattering women came out.

Lily, Nikkie and Alice were now accompanied by Dorcas Meadows, another one of Lily's old school friends, Tammy Hall, Lily's childhood muggle friend and (to the boy's horror) their old professor, Minerva McGonagall.

Of course, all James noticed was that they were all oooing and awing over the small jumble of arms and legs that was squeezing to get out of Lily's arms as hard as he could.

"Lily!" James said in exasperation, rushing forward and pulling Harry into him. Harry, seeing that he was getting away from the women, immediately clung to James as he backed away with his son in his arms. "You're subjecting Harry to...to girl stuff!" James said it like it was the most unpardonable sin in the world.

His friends seemed to agree with him though, for all of them rushed forward at once, guarding Harry from the reach of the girls. Lily crossed her arms in exasperation. "James, we've been through this. I am not going to let my son become one of your Marauders!"

"And I'm not going to let my son be subjected to your beauty tips or Saturday makeovers!" James argued.

Lily grinned and shook her head motioning her friends to follow her as she walked over to the nearest table. James glared as she walked away and they all heard her telling her friends, "I mean, honestly! I think he ate a bug this morning! Is that worse than a little make-up or something?"

James' eyes went wide and he held Harry out in front of him in horror. All the Marauders gasped as they saw blush, eye shadow and even lipstick remains on Harry's face.

"OH MY GOSH!!!" James went frantic. "LILY!!!"

----

Luckily the incident passed quickly and Harry was completely make-up free in a few quick swipes of James wand. Thereafter though, James did not let his son out of his sight.

Six o'clock came and went without much incident, rather than about a dozen more people showing up for the party, Sirius managing to hex James 5 more times and the cake being completely destroyed by Harry and Neville and then fixed by a very disgruntled Lily who blamed James for their son's behavior.

Neville had arrived with his dad, Frank Longbottom, right at six, goaded into the event by Alice who reminded him of the nice present the Potters had given Neville for his birthday just a few days ago. Frank personally thought James and his friends were quite reckless, but in the end had agreed to come.

Dumbledore also showed up, pleasant as always to all the guests, but bearing the latest news about Voldemort which he pulled aside James and Frank to discuss for a few moments before the meal started.

"I believe the Fidelius charm is your best move at the moment," Dumbledore said in a hushed voice as he, James and Frank quietly talked in James' study. "I've been studying up on it and I believe I can accomplish it by the middle of September."

James frowned in concern and saw the same expression on Frank's face. "Will that be soon enough?" he said with worry.

Dumbledore looked at both of them sympathetically. "It is all I can offer at the moment, James, until we know how much of the prophecy Voldemort has heard..." he trailed off and held his hands up in resignation. "The only advice I can give you is to carefully be thinking about a Secret Keeper." He stopped for emphasis. "This person will hold your family's life in their hands. It will probably be the most important decision you will ever make."

The three were silent for a moment as the news seemed to sink in.

"Have both of you told your wives yet?"

Both James and Frank had been told about the prophesy from Dumbledore over a year ago, but neither had wanted to tell their wives, frankly because the burden of such knowledge was not something you would subject to someone you loved. Dumbledore, however, had finally convinced them to tell Lily and Alice, though neither had agreed without hesitation.

"I told Alice last night," Frank admitted with some reluctance. "She didn't take it too well though. I think the only reason she's here today is because she doesn't believe it. Or, more likely that she doesn't want to believe it."

"I still haven't gotten the guts to tell Lily," James hung his head in shame and sat down on the nearest chair. "I just don't know how I can burden her with something like that."

"I would suggest that you don't tell her today, James," Dumbledore said in all seriousness. "As it is Harry's birthday, there is no reason to spoil the day for her. But, you must tell her soon."

James nodded in reluctance and the three of them went out of the room, doing their best to get on with their lives.

Sirius' Aunt Andromeda came just as they were sitting down to the meal, 10 year old Nymphadora trailing behind her. Andromeda apologized profusely for her tardiness and regretted that her husband Ted couldn't be there. (He was busy working on fixing the bookshelf that Dora had tripped into and accidentally destroyed with magic).

Lily pulled off the dinner magnificently (only one or two problems with James and Sirius). Seemed James managed to spike some of the drinks anyway, resulting in

A slightly intoxicated Nikkie announcing to the entire table that Sirius was the love of her life and she proceeded to lean over and kiss him quite forcefully.

"She doesn't hold her drinks very well," a very embarrassed Sirius explained as the dinner was being cleaned up and Nikkie was getting a sobering charm from Lily.

"Don't tell me you didn't enjoy it, Padfoot," James said with a grin.

Sirius shook his head in exasperation and the four marauders continued planning out the evening. Their idea had been to lull Lily into a false sense of security and then pull off a prank at the end. Or course, Lily would know something was up if nothing was going wrong, so they had slipped in a few dung bombs, a couple packs of firewhiskey in the drinks and a disappearing charm on McGonagall's glasses.

All in all, things had gone rather well, but the biggest step was still to come. James was feeling tense about tricking Lily, especially after what Dumbledore had told him in the study. None of his friends knew why he was slightly less peppy than usual. He hadn't even the heart to tell them. So he managed to put on a happy face and get his mind off the prophesy for the time being.

By the end of the night, he was happy that he had.

The dishes got cleared, the food got put away, and the presents were about to be opened.

"Enter phase B," Sirius whispered to James with glee.


	3. Of Frogs and Foolishness

_**Author notes:** Sorry this is taking so long! Hope you enjoy! sorry the prank is kinda lame, I'm no good at this!_

* * *

**Chapter 3 - Of Frogs and Foolishness**

James and Sirius shared identical grins as Lily picked the first present to give to Harry, brining it over to him on her lap as he grinned with pleasure at all the attention he was getting.

As soon as Harry figured out that he was allowed to tear through the paper, he immediately grabbed hold of the deep red wrapping paper of his gift from Remus and tore it.

At that moment, three people fell to the floor with a thud, their chairs completely disappearing from under them and their faces wide with surprised. James and Sirius, who were currently standing towards the back, hid their laughs behind their hands as they watched Frank Longbottom, Nikkie Ralston and Remus all stand up quickly, looking curiously at where their seat had been moments before.

Lily, however, looked over the crowd and spotted James and Sirius her eyebrow raised as if asking them what they knew about this.

James just smiled innocently at her, blowing her a kiss and winking at her which, while causing the average witch to faint, made Lily blush deeply and even more so when he waggled his eyebrows at her. She seemed to laugh off the prank and turned away, watching Harry as he continued to try to get the paper off the present.

Meanwhile, Frank and Nikkie were still investigating their mysterious missing chairs. Remus had gotten the point rather quickly and had come around to join James and Sirius in the back, elbowing them a few times for making him look like and idiot.

James looked up to Where Harry was now starting on his second present (a rather violently colored package from Sirius who had claimed to charm the wrapped himself to flash neon colors). As soon as h e tore the next package, Nikkie, Frank's and Remus' chairs all appeared and now McGonagall, Alice and Peter were sitting on the ground, flabbergasted at their bad luck.

Peter didn't have the foresight of Remus and contented himself with sitting on the ground while McGonagall and Alice both cast suspicious glances back at the marauders.

Peter's decision proved rather foolish as with the next present that was torn open, his chair appeared right on top of him, pinning him to the ground so hard that it took both Frank and Andromeda to get him out.

The disappearing trick lasted for a few more minutes and presents, at least until James and Sirius began to get bored and lazily flicked their wands, canceling the charm and activating the new one

Every torn piece of wrapping paper suddenly folded itself into a complicated "paper frog" and began jumping around the yard. As Harry wasn't very strong and there were quite a few tears on the paper, dozens of little frogs started massacring the guest. Sirius and James had to hold onto each other as the laughed as people began trying to stomp on them, only realizing this made them even more annoying as they would just repair themselves and attack the person's foot.

When people finally started to used magic, the frogs multiplied with each spell tried on them till they covered the whole lawn.

"James Potter! Sirius Black!!"

Both boys (or men, technically) who were currently trying very hard not to collapse with laughter, didn't even seem phased as their old school professor marched up to them, her eyes wide with authority.

"Yes, professor? Something you needed?" Sirius asked cheerfully, plucking a frog that was perched on her head. She smacked his hands away and gave them both piercing looks.

"Honestly Potter! You're son's birthday party?"

"Aww, the little pronglet loves it!" Sirius pointed out. Indeed, Harry seemed rather captivated which put Lily in a good mood as she grinned, helping Harry hold one of the frogs in his pudgy fingers.

"Besides, it's not like he really needs all those presents anyway," James reasoned. The medium size of still unopened presents was now half buried in frogs, but Harry didn't even notice those, or the ones he had already "opened".

McGonagall just rolled her eyes in annoyance and walked off, mumbling about "house points" and "detentions".

James and Sirius made their way over to Lily, joined by Remus and Peter as they went.

"I will admit, James, this was probably one of your best ideas yet," Lily said to him sneakily as they walked up to her. Upon seeing him, Harry held out his arms to James, wriggling his fingers. "Up, Pongs! Up!"

Lily lovingly handed her son over to his father as James smiled and tossed him up in the air.

"Doesn't it ever bug you that he never calls you dad? Just Prongs?" Lily asked James.

"Naw," James said without hesitation. "Besides, he calls you 'Tiger Lily' sometimes like I do."

"'igr Liy!" Harry repeated happily, bouncing in James' arms, ready for more play.

"Come here, squirt!" Sirius grabbed Harry away from James and proceeded to flew him around, holding him securely with both hands, making "whooshing" noises as if he was on a broom.

James smiled and wrapped an arm around Lily who sunk into his embrace, both of them watching their one-year-old son play with his godfather. James' eyes flickered over to the rest of the guests, who, finding that magic didn't help, had begun to try and "make friends" with the frogs. Indeed, Little Nymphadora seemed captivated with them and were collecting them in her skirt, already yelling over to her mom that she wanted to take some home. Andromeda, who was occupied with trying to help Dumbledore clean them off the cake, rolled her eyes at her daughter.

"Guess I kind of messed up your plans," James admitted to Lily but she just smiled.

"Yeah, but I'm kind of glad you did..." she admitted.

James just held her tighter, watching now as Remus, Sirius and Peter all took turns playing peek-a-boo with Harry. James laughed out loud at the sight.

"Now there's a site I thought I'd never see..." he admitted. "The Marauders with a baby."

"Hey!" Lily poked him in the stomach. "If I'm not mistaken, that's our baby, not the marauder's baby, unless you want to tell me something?" Lily raised a curious but mischievous eyebrow at him.

James just laughed and reached down to give her a quick kiss. "Never dear."

"Yeah, and don't you forget it."


End file.
